It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
