So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
