i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
