her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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