Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
