My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
