Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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