you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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