I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
