Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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