Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
