i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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