Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
