Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
