Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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