saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
