you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
