By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
