This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
