I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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