I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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