Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
