I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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