Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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