During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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