i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
