how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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