Just took my morning after pill in the library
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
