I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
