I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
a search helicopter?!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize