Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we're so committed to being not committed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
