it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
