Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
