Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
