I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
