Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
