just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
