Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
