turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize