sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
