she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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