an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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