Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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