dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
