I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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