sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
