I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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