An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
only if we run a train.
done.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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