My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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