he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
