she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize