She is in my trunk
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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