I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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