so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
