been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
