Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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