Your dad touched me again.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
