i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
