That's intense
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize