why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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