i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
