Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize