im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
