He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
