I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
