party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
