He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
