dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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