Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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