God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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