soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
