none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
